In today’s social media-driven culture, many of us have become so accustomed to living for the applause of others (e.g., likes, views, clicks, and shares) that we have lost sight of our own voices as well as God’s call on our lives. Many times, our unrealistic desire for approval creates an unnatural dependence on extrinsic validation and also destabilizes our emotional equilibrium. Additionally, swaying with the pendulum of other people’s emotions creates instability in our character. When they are up, we are up. When they are down, we are down. If we are not careful, our desire to anchor our self-worth on other people’s opinions can cause our minds to become so filled with skewed ideologies and thoughts that we become unnecessarily anxious and fearful and forget that we were made in the image of God.
SO, WHAT DO WE DO?
The first step to solving a problem is to recognize that one exists. One of the biggest problems that many of us face is that not only do we seek others’ validation, we also allow the negative voices to be the resounding chorus in our heads—bellowing louder than any positive attributes, accomplishments, or even praises. We magnify the negative and minimize the positive. Below are a few steps that I believe will help free us from the prison of other people’s opinions and remind us that we were made in the image of God.
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Surrender our idols.
All of us have been hurt by others. That’s just part of life. However, there are some hurts that have left indelible marks on our hearts and minds. Nonetheless, in order to heal and grow, we have to identify the sources of our pain and insecurity and surrender them. By lamenting over those things, we are allowing them to become idols and gods in our lives. In a perverse, perhaps unintended way, we are worshiping our pain and those who caused it.
In order to begin the healing process, we have to identify the pain and its sources. Call them by name, and then lay them at the foot of the cross. While some hurts may simply be released by prayer, others may require professional counsel. Regardless of what it takes, let them go!
(Personal assignment)
- Write down the names of the people who have hurt you.
- Write down the things they have done.
- Design a plan or strategy to let it go (e.g., prayer, meditation, counseling, journaling, etc.).
- Let it go!
Note: We cannot resolve unidentified problems.
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Recognize that we are all human.
Stop trusting in mere humans,
who have but a breath in their nostrils.
Why hold them in esteem (Isaiah 2:22, New International Bible, 1978/2011)?
So often, many of us erroneously think that certain people have it all together. We should note that life does not come with a manual. Most of us are trying the best that we can. In noting that, we should recognize that even our strongest critics are riddled with their own flaws and insecurities.
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Stop seeking out other people’s opinions.
21Do not pay attention to every word people say,
or you may hear your servant cursing you—
22 for you know in your heart
that many times you yourself have cursed others (Ecclesiastes 7: 21-22, New International Bible, 1978/2011).
Many times, we create our own heartbreak by seeking out others’ opinions about us. The truth is, someone else’s opinions about us and our actions are irrelevant. If we know in our hearts that our actions are pleasing to God, who cares what others have to say. Moreover, even if our actions weren’t pleasing to God, we should know that we serve a forgiving God who will forgive us if we repent. Therefore, we should care less about what others have to say. Additionally, if we are truly honest with ourselves, we would admit that we have also said unkind things about others—things that would probably cause hurt feelings.
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Know we are created in the image of God.
10 For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do (Ephesians 2:10, New International Bible, 1978/2011).
God made us in His image and for His purpose. Unfortunately, many of us are inclined to view our lives through others’ lenses—imperfect lenses. Nonetheless, we should note that other people do not decide our purpose. God does! Remembering that key fact is critical to freeing ourselves from the shackles of people-pleasing and/or approval-seeking.
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Reinforcement
Remember, life is a journey, not a destination. Exorcising our demons and affirming our attributes are daily processes. Negative thoughts are subtle and, if left unchecked, will infiltrate our minds and possibly corrupt our spirits. We have to constantly remind ourselves of who and whose we are. We are beautifully and wonderfully made and we were made in the image of God. Whenever we find ourselves indulging in negative thoughts, we should focus on the positive things that make us who we are. We should also concentrate on our victories, and every now and then, we should take a moment to pat ourselves on the back for a job well done.
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It Is Good
In Genesis Chapter 1, as God journeyed through the progression of His creation, He took the time to note that His previous actions were good! In other words, He took the time to recognize the beauty of His progress. Not once did He focus on the negative. At every juncture, He said that all was well. In that way, we should be like God, taking time out to say that our growth, progress, and achievements are good.
Challenge
In order for us to advance in our daily walk, we have to acknowledge the good things we have done. As we go about our days and check off the tasks on our lists, we should also take the time to look at our progress and say that it is good.
This week, take some time to meditate on your accomplishments. List ten things that were good about each completed (or attempted) feat.
Conclusion
31 God saw all that he had made, and it was very good (Genesis 1:31, New International Bible, 1978/2011).
Finally, in Genesis Chapter 1, God not only marveled at the universe, He was also enamored by man. After God created man, He said man was good. This affectionate gesture should indicate that God believe man to be good upon inception. In other words, our goodness was not contingent on man’s approval. We were good because we were all made in the image of God.
Verses of encouragement
23 Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people (Colossians 3:23, New Living Translation, 1996/2015).
10 Obviously, I’m not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ’s servant (Galatians 1:10, New Living Translation, 1996/2015).
14 Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex!
Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it (Psalm 139:14, New Living Translation, 1996/2015).
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Biblical References
- New International Bible. (2011). The NIV Bible. https://www.thenivbible.com (Original work published 1978)
- New Living Translation. (2015). New Living Translation. https://www.tyndale.com/nlt/ (Original work published 1996)