7 -Day Reset | Day 2: Forgiveness

The title of today’s message is 7 -Day Reset | Day 2: Forgiveness. This second installment of our 7-day devotional will explore the topic of forgiveness.

So, What Does Forgiveness Look Like?

Forgiveness is not a linear destination. The path consists of ebbs and flows and is a culmination of progression and regression. The act does not spontaneously occur. It requires significant amounts of effort and prayer. Sometimes, it even requires professional counseling to help sift through the attached emotions and trauma. More often than not, the journey on the path to forgiveness will require a strong support network. Because our human nature is not naturally inclined towards forgiveness, we will need people in our circle who will champion for us and support us as we navigate this challenging path. This support could be spiritual, emotional, or even financial.

I am not a psychologist or a human behavior expert. I can only share what has worked in my life.

Forgive Ourselves

Many times, before we can even begin to forgive those who have aggrieved us, we have to first forgive ourselves. The journey toward self-forgiveness begins with finding ways to express self-love. Simple steps could include pampering ourselves, exercising, treating ourselves to dinner, or enjoying a relaxing massage. Second, we need to take steps to remove the burden of blame that we have placed on ourselves. Again, this multi-step process might require the recruitment of friends, professional mental health counselors, or spiritual advisors.

The Journey to Forgiving Others

Once we have forgiven ourselves, we can then begin our journey towards forgiving those who have hurt us. One of the most important acknowledgements to make when choosing to forgive is learning and understanding that we are not responsible for other people’s thoughts and actions. We cannot control how people feel and act toward us. The only thing that we can control is how we act and what we tolerate. The other important factor to remember is that people’s behaviors and actions are based on their experiences and circumstances, and their decisions to act in a particular manner have nothing to do with us, even though we might be the subject of the impact. The same is true of us. Our decision to forgive has nothing to do with the person who has offended us. Our decision to forgive is a completely personal one.

Sometimes the decision to forgive may require distance—separating ourselves from those who have hurt us. That time apart, whether temporary or permanent, could provide the clarity needed to assess the situation. Keep in mind that it might not always be possible to create long-term distance from the person whom we need to forgive. In that case, we should try to carve out pockets of personal time that will enable us to think more clearly. This might include going for a long walk or taking a bike ride. However, in cases where personal safety is compromised, please seek professional assistance to help provide an exit strategy.

My Story

In my own life, I have never been able to forgive “the hard stuff” on my own accord. I have always needed God’s help. In order to begin the process of forgiveness, I have had to ask God to soften my heart. The process has never been an immediate, singular occurrence. It has always been a gradual, continuous experience. During the ebbs and flows of my forgiveness journey, I have also had to pray and ask God to heal my brokenness and restore me, for I know that it is only once I have started to heal that I can begin to move forward and forgive those who have hurt me. I know that I have reached a place of forgiveness when the thought of the person does not evoke negative emotions and there is no ill will in my heart.

Over the years, I have learned that it is possible, and even necessary, to forgive others without rekindling a relationship. It is also possible to love and pray for people from a distance. In fact, in some cases, loving from a distance might be the most prudent thing to do. Remember, forgiveness is for us, not the other person.

Let it Go

Grudges are heavy. More often, we do not realize just how heavy they are until we finally release them. In fact, the energy required to maintain a grudge could be best spent on more productive areas of our lives. If we are holding people captive in the clutches of our gripes, we should let them go. Releasing them will ultimately set us free. Again, accomplishing this task might require professional help in order to navigate the various avenues.

Creating a New Heart

If you are struggling in the area of forgiveness, I have listed a few verses below. Meditate on these verses to help you in your journey towards forgiveness.

Ezekiel 36:26

And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart (New Living Translation, 1996/2015).

Matthew 6:14-15

For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins (New International Bible, 1978/2011).

Mark 11:25

And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins” (New International Bible, 1978/2011).

Collosians 3:13

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you (New International Bible, 1978/2011).